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Before launching yourself back into the exciting world of dating, take a few moments to think about where you are at. So often we go into relationships hoping that somehow the other person will complete us, becoming our other half. Whilst this might happen for some couples, most of us need to acknowledge our individuality. We might not want to merge completely with someone else, although it often feels like this is what happens when we fall in love. The reality is that we are two separate people, with different ways of thinking, living, working, caring and loving.
What are you looking for?
Take a moment to think about the sort of person you really want to be with now. In the past you might have been attracted to 'bad boys' or 'naughty girls'. These characteristics are always going to be attractive but they might not really be what you need in a relationship that has the potential to last. Think about your checklist of what your ideal is: write it all down, from the colour of their hair to the size of their feet. Now throw that list away. Most of what is written on it won't help you find the person that will make you happy.
Values
Relationships that are built to last are founded on two key things. One is similarity - yes it's true - the more similar we are to our partner in background, shape and attractiveness, the longer the relationship is likely to last. This is because we like to see ourselves in others, which is why couples often look the same. The other vital thing is shared values. If you have common goals, beliefs and ambitions then you have a good chance of enjoying a happy and fulfilling relationship. Without shared values, well frankly, it's going to be a bit of a struggle. It's not that it won't work; it's just that there will be more conflict.
What are yours?
To get a sense of what will work for you value wise, write down all the things in life that give you meaning, joy, satisfaction and a sense of being alive. Now add to this list all the things that you would like to be yourself and value in other people. Think of role models, people you admire and respect. Don't throw this list away, this is your blueprint for recognizing what you value and care about for yourself and the people in your life. The more in touch with your core values you are, the quicker you will recognize them in others and the more in tune you will be in your life generally.
Take the test
To get you started on discovering the inner you, take our affinity test, which will explore what personality style you favour, the way you feel about love and romance and the sort of relationship that would work well for you. Once you have taken the test you can then be matched with potential dates who share your values. What an exciting way to start getting to know someone, to already have a sense of what they care about, plus the potential to be really well matched, whilst reminding yourself of all the fabulous surprises that will be in store for you when you get to know them deeply, as a person.
Share your thoughts
When dating, you don't need to impress others with how much you earn, how long your hours are, or what car you drive. Much more interesting conversations are to be had thinking about what has meaning for you, what you enjoy, what turns you on, what makes you passionate, what your dreams are made of. Sharing these parts of yourself helps you to see who you really are, whilst helping the person you are sharing yourself with know more of who you really are too. That way you are much more likely to spend time with people whose values chime with yours, building understanding and friendship into your relationship which will help when things, as they always do, get more challenging. Having that shared value system is vital for a successful relationship. Getting to know yourself first - what you really care about, who you want to be in the world, how you truly want to live your life - will give you a fabulous head start in the dating game. Knowing yourself gives off a gentle sense of confidence that will inspire and intrigue others. Not following the crowd, but doing it your way, in your own inimitable style will always be attractive qualities that others will want to share.